Sunday, May 2, 2010

Dancing with Myself

I work up this morning with Dancing with Myself by Billy Idol in my head after spending a week singing Take it All - Marion Cotillard. I hadn't slept last night because I was suddenly overwhelmed with the inspiration that I had so desperately been searching for in the last year and a half. It flooded me, until my thoughts were buzzing at such a high speed that nothing made sense anymore. Additionally it was 5am,  and at 5am, ideas fade into a lesser brilliance.

I wanted to write again. And all it took was one word, "Yip".

Of course the story surrounding that one word that blasted the obstructive 'spanner' from my brain's idea making machine is one of self-sabotage, delusion and denial and is not important. But the result has left me dancingly happy, fill of hope and free.

One word was all it took to fight off the sumo wrestler that had been sitting on my shoulders for the last year. One word made me wake up to an over-enthusiastic puppy (actually a frisky 14 year old dog) and not want to lock her in some room so that I could have space. One word had me jumping out of bed after less than two hours of sleep and feel like dancing.

Scruffy, my 14-year-old puppy started
dancing with me!
And I danced, to Dancing With Myself, with the over-enthusiastic puppy joining in for some much needed attention. And I watched her, and I laughed from the pits of my stomach as she wriggled on the floor like a break dancer and then moved towards me on her two hind legs. She was moving too fast for me to take a clear photo, but as I tried repeatedly, I realised that I was living in the moment. Appreciating the tiny things in life. All the bigger issues that have plagued me over the last few months had ceased to exist.

That is happiness.

Sometimes we get so caught up in our misery that we begin to feed it so that it grows to engulf us. We become so lost in misery that even if we adjust our perspective to face the sun, the joy it brings is shortlived.

And yesterday, the word "Yip" blasted away that misery in the same way George Clooney's character, Lyn, in Men Who Stare at Goats burst the cloud in the sky. Hopefully, this is all I needed. Hopefully this happiness will remain.

Yesterday I disgruntledly began this blog after a woman told me that the only way to write was  to write. I didn't know what to write about; I thought of a million reasons why I should not write. Today, it seems less daunting. The woman told me that I should commit to writing one piece every day for a year. Being the commitment phobe that I am, writing every day for a year seems impossible. So I will attempt writing every day for a month... about things that inspire me in some way or the other.

All stretched out, cats really do have the life
Today, it is the small things that fuel inspiration. My dog eager to get some attention. the word 'Yip', the awkward position that I found my cat sleeping in and the song that I woke up to... Today it's the little things that make me happy....

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