Thursday, June 3, 2010

Flopping like a fish out of water

FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!
That's how my stand up gig went tonight. The worst part is that half the crowd were friends of mine, or friends of friends of mine. And I still sucked. I went completely blank at one part; I swear if someone asked me my name at that moment I wouldn't have been able to answer it.

Though, I started the day wrong. I started the day shit nervous and without any clue about what I was gonna talk about. I was so stressed that all I wanted to do was sleep. Getting there, I was nervous about not remembering my set... which I had only written 3 hours prior to my arrival at the gig. Then the show started. and nobody was laughing. A mate kept telling me that it was a suicide mission and I just went insane with the nerves and did something an epileptic non-alcoholic should never do: I drank... not a lot, but then just one shot of tequila is enough to make your head spin if you not an avid drinker. On top of it there was a huge step to climb up to get onto the stage... and the stage had a huge pole in the middle for pole dancing... not stand up comedy... and all I could think about was how far I would fall if I tripped or did something stupid.

Of course, it wasn't all that bad. There was a really cute boy who tried to calm me down before I went on. LOL.

So tonight, in short, I flopped like a fish out of water. That image reminds me of Kill Bill 2 where Bill tells BB to tell Beatrix about how she killed her fish... That's how I felt... the crowd pulled me out of the water and stood on me. The worst part is that I was 1. high up and 2. the was a spotlight on this girl wearing red who sinply sat straight-faced with her arms folded throughout my entire gig; because she was wearing red, she just stood out...I couldn't look away...

I'm laughing about it now. I get so dramatic before stand up gigs... it's almost a ritual. I get up feeling unfunny, telling myself that I can't do it over and over. I force myself to sit down and work out things to talk about, continually walking away to do other things such as sleep or watch TV. I do everything I can to avoid it until I am so stressed out that I start pacing and smashing my head against the wall. I don't eat the entire day because my stomach is on twist mode and I just make myself dizzy and totally strung up. Apparently it's funny to watch... but it feels like death!

Oh well, I died on stage today. Gandhi had some quote about being reborn in the morning; that's kinda what stand up  comedians do... they die and then rise from the dead for their next performance. Today was my 12th gig, I've probably flopped about five times in total and after a while, you realise that that's the worst that can happen. You flop. You kick yourself. You hope never to make the same mistakes again.

However, if someone had to ask me why I do stand up comedy when it breaks me down into an absolute wreck, I wouldn't know how to answer it. The thing is, when you don't flop, and you make people bang their knees with laughter... That is the best feeling ever!

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