Tuesday, April 5, 2011

"Despite my empty mouth the words are in my mind"

I can't sleep so I'm listening to Adele on repeat, trying to quieten down my verbose brain. My friends would all say that one of my most common statements is, "my brain is dead" or various synonyms of that. At night however, my brain is more awake than a house with a highly strung couple-of-months-old baby.

The problem is that I work an 8 to 5 job. So staying up each night until 3am with a mind buzzing of seemingly-genius thoughts (that prove to be otherwise when revisited) only leads me to walking like a Zombie at the day job. On Twitter, that would get the tag #GreatWaysToBeEntirelyIneffectual

I feel like Edward Norton's character in Fight Club.

"For six months, I couldn't sleep. With insomnia, nothing is real.
Everything is far away. Everything is a copy of a copy of a copy."
That's my last six months. Everything is a blur,"a copy or a copy of a copy". It's like I woke up this weekend from a deep slumber in a place I didn't recognise with vague recollections of what had happened. Ok I'm exaggerating, but there's honestly too many blanks that I can't seem to fill.

My sister's cat enjoying the view from
my bedroom window. While cute, he made
everything in my apartment white.
 For example, when I moved to PMB I brought along my Durban bedroom curtains to hang in my new apartment. I removed them once after looking after my sister's cat for a month and gave them to my mum to wash (lol). I distinctly remember my parents coming to visit me a couple of months back. My mum brought along my curtains and helped me to put them back up and I remember feeling happy and thinking that it's like home.

This weekend, however, I noticed that it's not my old bedroom curtains hanging up there anymore. I cannot recall changing it or anyone else changing it. It's weird. Creepy. How did my curtains change?

Of course, in the last six months I had been travelling a lot. Back and forth to Durban, monthly trips to Johannesburg and an odd trip to Cape Town. It felt like I had been living 5 different lives: work life, PMB life, Durban life, Sparks course life and JHB life. It was one of those juggling attempts where all the balls fall before you can throw them in the air.

People always wish they could travel as part of their job. My mum does it fairly often and for the first time, I truly understand why she doesn't enjoy it. It's tiring as hell and extremely stressful. Sure it looks like a great holiday, but it's all work and lots of wasted hours in airports and lobbys.

With my screenplay done and submitted two weeks ago, my life is returning to it's calm. My brain is slowly kicking back into action and my grip on reality is starting to tighten. However, the splotches covering moments in the last six months are going to be hard to remove. I should probably begin with trying to find the missing half of my CD collection.

The pitfalls of having an interesting life.

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